The last blog was a bit intense, I admit. I cringed after reading it sober--well, the closest to sober I'll ever be today.
As emotionally overwhelmed as I seem to have been last night after that mini-heartbreak moment, there were good things that did happen.
I got this response from my close friend, WH, when I e-mailed him today to ask how it went with the cute blonde he met at our last bar stop at a piano bar veeeeeery early this morning:
"He has an old soul for a 21 yo, and the boy likes to cuddle. I forgot how good it felt to hold someone in bed.
Hey, everything happens for a reason, yes?! ... Do you remember my fortune cookie message from Dragonfly?
'Stop searching, happiness is just next to you.'
Hah--well, it's definitely the case last night. Today, however, is a different battle and adventure..."
As I sit here whining about my self-inflicted misery, I feel a little bit of shame for being so impatient and so cowardly at the same time. It's not excatly because WH met someone that I seem to feel less shitty about my luck in love, it's his point of view and demeanor about last night that's inspiring to me.
I always tell my friends, "It's not a matter of finding Mr. Right. I always worry about not being Mr. Right for somebody." I guess, in this case, I'm not ready for a relationship. Perhaps I need to learn some patience and be more assertive.
That doesn't mean I won't stop ranting. I'm writing this because I'm feeling better right now. And that's all I can ask for at the moment.
P.S. My fortune cookie had this message: "You seek to shield those you love and like the role of provider."
P.P.S. And fuck the lucky numbers. I hardly ever get lucky and I suck at math.
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