-- Oscar Wilde
These past few weeks have so far been challenging. My little slumber party at the sleep clinic last month yielded some not-so-good news. I've been diagnosed with two very distinct but equally inconvenient problems: Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome and UARS.
The primary goal to treat the former is to improve my circadian rhythm by restoring my brain's ability to produce and reduce melatonin with the help of some pills and my dork lamp. This, hopefully, will earn me a healthier , more consistent and less disrupted sleep cycle. One of the many things I now have to observe to accomplish this goal is to avoid ANY stimulants after 9 pm. My doctor recommended a period of two weeks of uninterrupted time-based withdrawal before we proceed with further testing and treatment options. My proposal was 4: I need the two extra weeks just to adjust. No alcohol, no chocolate, no caffeine, no sugar, nicotine and forget about masturbation or sex after 9 pm.
"I'm sorry." I thought to myself, "I registered for sleep therapy, not REHAB!"
Week 1 was a total failure. I managed a couple days out of week 2, but if you had read my previous my loser entry about losing stuff while under the influence, then you know I hadn't done so well, either.
This week was different. I had gone out with roomie RP and AJ the DJ Friday night and succeeded to avoid alcohol the entire night. We hit 4 bars and all I had was club soda. Same thing last night. To show his support, RP stayed in and we had our first movie night.
Before you pat me on the back, do know that I did give in to Haagen Dazs' Mayan Chocolate Ice Cream, which DID cause me to stay up until five and consequently sleep in until 1 pm. So I'm off my cycle again, BUT I woke up with no hangover, I didn't waste money at a bar or club AND I spent some QT with RP. And oh yeah...I didn't lose a single personal item. :-)
Wilde was sooo right. The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. In my case, it sometimes isn't the yielding in general that should matter--it is yielding to the lesser of two evils that make me feel, well, less of a loser.
P.S. Off to see The Science of Sleep. No, I'm not trying to be cute. Just a fan of G.G. Bernal.
Thanksgiving (...my first as an official American!)
Spent the day with my nephews Booboo, Josh and Isaiah (we haven't figured out a nickname for him yet). It's always refreshing to just let go and be in the moment with these kids. For a good while, I had forgotten how pissed I was at myself for Friday night's loser moment.
We had to go drive my mom to a couple of stores to get some stuff for the house. Got bored and stared running around this one store. Camera phones really do come handy!
Love my boys. They really are awesome.
"I'll be fine as long as I stop drinking at 9." I did stop early. I even stopped before 9 pm. But boy, was I kidding myself.
I turned into a drunken idiot again last night and I'm really pissed at myself right now. So in the spirit of further beating myself up, here's a list of personal items I've lost or had been stolen because I was too fucking drunk to notice:
I'll add more to this list as I remember.
About last night: The whole thing started quite innocently with zero plans of getting wasted. My new team planned a nice lunch at Battery Gardens. I had left the office with my co-worker, HG, to join the rest of the group who were already in the restaurant. There were bellinis waiting for us as soon as we were seated. Not long after we each took our first sip, we hear "red or white?" The drinks were compliments of the owner, who is well-acquainted with my meeting planning team.
Our team leader, SG, shows up right before they serve the entrees. "AG said I could buy the team a whole round after lunch." How terribly responsible of him to ask for our D/TL's permission to get us drunk even more.
"Jack and ginger, please." Damn it--I should have held back. Should have stuck with the wine, but no--Frisky HAD to show off.
Frisky backfired.
My plan was to go back to the apt. right after lunch so I could freshen up before meeting up with AC, MZ, & DE to see our friend, Ronnie "The Real Deal" Khalil, perform at the Laugh Factory. I even took my gym shoes with me because I really was expecting to drop them off.
"Jameson. Neat."
Yep--times two (or three). So after the bellini, 3 glasses of chardonnay, and my J&G, I ended up at Grace with HG, her ex and her BF. I'm still trying to remember the rest of the evening.
I woke up in bed at 2:42 am having no clue how the hell I got home. No jacket. No iPod. Wallet, cash and phone intact. No idea how or where I had left my sneakers, either.
Don't even care at this point. I deserve this for being so irresponsible. I was told to have left Grace at 7:30 pm, but I didn't make it to the show. Shit. I can't believe I flaked on my girls. They were looking forward to hanging out at Escuelita after the show. I'm so in the doghouse.
Not a big fan of Frisky right now. This is so pathetic. I should have known better.
Get your filthy mind out of the gutter. I didn't do the nasty.Fine...I'm a liar. I knew it was a porn shoot. Version 2.0, however, didn't. ::evil grin::
The shoot was for Lucas' La Dolce Vita. We met up with CS at the Heather Mills Theater at 11 am. It was a chilly morning, but the promise of alcohol and half naked men kept us somewhat warm. We bumped into VK who showed up stag and so he ended up joining the group. While waiting, they had us sign a release form as official extras in the film. We each got a "69" stamp on the back of the hand. How terribly apropos!
So we wrapped our arms around each other,
trying to shove ourselves back together.
We were making love..."
The origin of love
And there were three sexes then,
One that looked like two men
Glued up back to back,
Called the children of the sun.
And similar in shape and girth
Were the children of the earth.
They looked like two girls
Rolled up in one.
And the children of the moon
Were like a fork shoved on a spoon.
They were part sun, part earth
Part daughter, part son.
The origin of love
Now the gods grew quite scared
Of our strength and defiance
And Thor said,
"I'm gonna kill them all
With my hammer,
Like I killed the giants."
And Zeus said, "No,
You better let me
Use my lightening, like scissors,
Like I cut the legs off the whales
And dinosaurs into lizards."
Then he grabbed up some bolts
And he let out a laugh,
Said, "I'll split them right down the middle.
Gonna cut them right up in half."
And then storm clouds gathered above
Into great balls of fire
And then fire shot down
From the sky in bolts
Like shining blades
Of a knife.
And it ripped
Right through the flesh
Of the children of the sun
And the moon
And the earth.
And some Indian god
Sewed the wound up into a hole,
Pulled it round to our belly
To remind us of the price we pay.
And Osiris and the gods of the Nile
Gathered up a big storm
To blow a hurricane,
To scatter us away,
In a flood of wind and rain,
And a sea of tidal waves,
To wash us all away,
And if we don't behave
They'll cut us down again
And we'll be hopping round on one foot
And looking through one eye.
Last time I saw you
We had just split in two.
You were looking at me.
I was looking at you.
You had a way so familiar,
But I could not recognize,
Cause you had blood on your face;
I had blood in my eyes.
But I could swear by your expression
That the pain down in your soul
Was the same as the one down in mine.
That's the pain,
Cuts a straight line
Down through the heart;
We called it love.
So we wrapped our arms around each other,
Trying to shove ourselves back together.
We were making love,
Making love.
It was a cold dark evening,
Such a long time ago,
When by the mighty hand of Jove,
It was the sad story
How we became
Lonely two-legged creatures,
It's the story of
The origin of love.
That's the origin of love.
Sometimes, I really do love my ADHD. I was in the middle of writing a different entry and was looking for a clip to post to reference John Cameron Mitchell's Shortbus when I chanced upon this video.
It's a clip from another JCM movie, Hedwig and the Angry Inch. This is my favorite scene in the movie and is absolutely one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard.
The lyrics are inspired by a section from Plato's Symposium. In perhaps his most important speech in the book, Aristophanes explains that there were three types of human beings that originally roamed the earth. JCM's version of Aristophanes' assertion is darker and more tragic. The song has enough cameos of gods from various mythological origins to merit its own Justice League Unlimited episode.
In the animation, Emily Hubley, the illustrator, sketched a graffiti demanding, "deny me and be doomed." I remember being deeply moved by the intensity of the words and what the statement meant to me at that time.
What JCM and EH meant by it in relation to the film, however, I don't exactly know. I have my theories, but I will not bore you any further. You've actually made it this far down, so just enjoy the goddamn song.
