Nightmare on F.O.B. Street

I'm all of a sudden suffering from a lethal case of WHATDAFUCKWASITHINKING?! Let me show you why:

Frisky McPluck, circa 2000

Excuse me while I kick myself hard in the nuts. Can my brows BE any thinner? Please don't answer that.

Version 2.0--bless her evil heart--decided to torture me with some incriminating photos last month, but I didn't really get the chance to sit down and reflect on how awfully clueless I was.

Lesson well learned:
my stupid mushroom haircut = bad
gray contact lenses + my stupid mushroom haircut = tragic

I was a walking albino penis with 2 sapphire piercings on the glans. Haha! I said glans!

You know what really bites my nuts? I managed to get laid way more with this look than I probably ever will in my current human form.

Want to see more? Here's a photo of me and one of V 2.0 as high school seniors. Here I was stressing myself about dressing up in drag for halloween because it seemed "too fem." LOL. Why couldn't I just be sophisticated like baby sis? Oh, that's right--I didn't have a fag to show me how to dress. I was my own private fashion guinea pig.






In case you're having a hard time telling these chicks apart, I'm the one on the right. Oh shut up. My look was "backstreet boy" cool back in the day...::pause::...NOT!!!!!

flashback

The 4-day weekend afforded me some down time to finally transfer all of my old blogs into this account. No more back-and-forth between blog accounts.

If only I can find the same motivation to update my Myspace page.

The initiative also gave me the opportunity to read through my old postings. ::GASP:: Looks like I've really overplayed the "Bitter, Party of One" role. Not good.

I came across a few entries that were beyond cringe-worthy. It was so tempting to delete them, but I figured having them there would be a good reminder, if not some psychoemotional there's-a-lesson-to-be-learned-here landmark at the very least. Kind of like Hansel and Gretel right before they ran out of pebbles and started using bread. For as long as I keep them, they will not disappear and I can always find my way back.

Perhaps looking back isn't such a bad idea when you're making the trip to avoid repeating some mistakes.

Best part of the trip? This one amusing entry I had written about Best Friend Slash Best Roomie. It made me laugh reading how different our friendship had been last year and how far our friendship has progressed.


What a difference a year has made:

"It takes one to kiss one"

(posted 9/8/05)

And here's an honorable mention. This is perhaps one of the most outrageously hilarious ads I've ever laid eyes on:

"Sperm, Interrupted."

(posted 7/18/05)

Absolutely precious! :-)

J.Hud rocks (as always!)

I remember the night Jennifer Hudson was eliminated from American Idol. That was the night I stopped following the rest of the season. She performed Barry Manilow's "Weekend In New England." Manilow himself was so overwhelmed by her performance that he invited her to sing with him live at On Air With Ryan Seacrest the following week. I swear the man had wet his pants 3 times over that day. I don't blame him at all. Never watched Seacrest's show, but that's why I heart YouTube!

I've managed to find and download J.Hud's last Idol performance into iTunes and still have it on my top list of songs 2 1/2 years later:

If you thought that was good, you HAVE to hear this one:


As some of you kids know, Jennifer is Effie White in the screen version of Dream Girls. The role was made very famous by Jennifer Holiday. I'm sure you remember her outrageous vocals:



The clip was from the Dream Girl's Broadway Cast performance during the 1982 Tony Awards. I was so amused to see a VERY skinny Loretta Devine who played Lorrell Robinson in the original cast and will be in the movie as well as a "jazz singer." Poor lady is always so underutilized!
I know I'm fanning the flames of my faggotry by admitting that I'm so psyched to see Dream Girls but I absolutely can't help it. If you check the clips above, I'm sure you'd understand why.

J.Hud's going to get a lot of exposure after the movie is released and I hope she gets a bunch more projects when it happens. I've been hearing such a buzz about her performance in the movie. Do we smell an Oscar nomination?

More importantly though, the woman can sing--I mean, girlfriend can saaaaaaaang!

the "i'm happy for you" smörgåsbord

It is funny to think how one phrase can mean so many things depending on who you say it to. Lately, I find myself overanalyzing what I really mean when I say "I'm happy for you" to the person I'm talking to, be it a friend, a family member, a lover, or a complete stanger. What's most surprising to me is how much more I learn about myself each time I say it.

Sincere Frisky:

• "That makes me very happy, too!"
• "It means a lot that you're sharing this with me."
• "I'm so damn proud of you."
• "This calls for a celebration."
• "You totally deserve it."
• "You have my support."
  

Frisky, the envious homo:

• "Dang! Why didn't I think of that?!?"
• "No fair!"
• "Somebody give me a voodoo doll and a lock of this bitch's hair!"
• "When do I get my turn?"
• "You greedy bitch! You hardly deserve it."
  

Frisky the snob:

• "So what?"
• "I'm not impressed, but 'yay' for you."
• "Get over it."
• "It might take a while to throw you a parade. Can we talk about something else in the meantime?"
  

Grinchy McTwink, the bitter wench:

• "You have some nerve gloating in my presence, you self-absorbed whore!"
• "How does an asshole like you earn something so wonderful like that?"
• "Somebody give me a cigarette!" or "I sooo need another drink"
• "Thanks for breaking my heart (again)"
  

Saying things without any sincerity isn't exactly foreign--even to the best of us. Perhaps it's because we don't want to be impolite. In my case, I believe I become insincere mostly because I've been caught off guard and don't really know what to say. Sometimes I say or think it because I foresee the emotional impact of such news too unbearable to deal with. In this case, my sentiment is usually one volatile dose of joy, envy, rejection, and envy.

The (current) object of my affection may perhaps be on the verge of falling in love. Though I'm far from heartbroken, I do need a drink or ten. Throw in a couple Motrin and eight glasses of water for the morning after.

No need to play me your stupid violin, folks--I know can be such a selfish bastard.

Alvie visits NYC

Just got home after spending the afternoon with my (ex) brother-in-law, Alvaro. I had a wonderful time with him, his sort-of girlfriend, Ana, and Peter, Gabi's best friend.

He had been craving a burger all morning, so we ended up at JG Melon, and gorged. I had a turkey burger since I already indulged this weekend at HK. Best Turkey burger I've had, by the way! I wonder if they injected fat into those turkey patties. Haha. They were not dry at all!

Why am I blogging about Alvie, you ask? It's not like I never have overseas friends who visit me every now and then. But he is Gabi's brother and with all the weight he's lost since I had last seen him, he looks SO MUCH like his little bro. The same bright cobalt blue eyes that pierce right through you. Same perpetual 5:00 shadow even when they're freshly shaved. Same sense of humor around people they are affectionate with.

"Is Gabi as mean with you, too?" Ana jokingly asked me after Alvie had her pose for a picture and only shot the landscape behind her. "Gabi had to learn it from someone" I answered, winking at Alvie.

He's off to the Hamptons with PM and flying back to Madrid tomorrow afternoon. I wish we had more time to hang out, but he was aware of this weird tension between me and Peter.

"If you don't mind not opening your present until after you get home--Gabi didn't get Peter one and we're worried he'll be jealous." 'Nough said, right? Haha. Peter is a great guy, I believe that. So I think Gabi has a lot to do with the tension. I do feel that he tried to pit us against each other in the past for reasons only Gabi knows and understands.

I gave the three of them a hug right before they took a cab to Grand Central. Alvie promised he would visit again around Easter and will hopefully stay longer. I keep wishing Gabi would go on the trip with him. It's so hard to look at him and not miss Gab.

Perhaps I should visit Spain again next year. We'll see. Money hasn't exactly been overflowing lately. But today is definitely a good day and I'm totally grateful.

fun with Metrosource

Last month, I received a phone call from ES with an invitation to co-host this year's Metrosource Magazine Annual Holiday Party @ Stereo Lounge.

They invited me last year as well, and although I participated, I was miles away in Madrid with Gab. I was told to have missed a lot, considering it was the magazine's 15th year anniversary and they had it at Crobar. This year's celebration was planned on a lower scale, but I wasn't about to miss out on all the fun two years in a row...


Last night's event was a total hoot. I had a great turnout from my guest list and everyone had a blast.

so darn hurt :-(

The bitches forgot to call me again. ::sigh::

retro-fab bootleg junkie

I made this playlist at MyFlashFetish.com.
Check out this MySpace MP3 Player!


String Along
by Jay Brannan


"It takes two to start a string along song and only one to make it end..."
The train just started its course to Raritan, NJ: final destination and home to the Iyog All-Stars. I'm as amused as I'm irritated by the fact that I'm once again hooked up to a portable CD player. Yes, I said it--a portable CD player the size of my microwave oven.

Whatever, fuckers, it's a Bose... very retro-fab. ::snap::snap:: Now give me a second while I catch my breath from gagging at what I just said.

This is still part of my self-imposed punishment for losing my second iPod this year. I've made a deal with myself to wait until Christmas and actually attempt to save money to buy me a new one. Now let's hope I will have learned enough to keep the next one for longer.

I'm listening to this bootleg cd that my friend and Jay Brannan co-stalker, BA (nope, still NOT Ben Andrews). He had brought a recorder with him to JB's show at Mo Pitkins and taped the entire performance. Much to my own selfish joy, It came out pretty decently. I have a good feeling that JB will be flattered by the effort but the dude seriously needs to cut and drop an album soon. BA and I only know the title to 4 songs from his set that night, so he had to make up some of the titles. The sound quality is pretty darn good. There isn't much background disturbance, save BA's occasional cackling, something that is inevitable when you're at a JB Brannan show. He's a funny motherfucker on stage.

So yay for bootlegs!

JB's CD has been on repeat since 2 pm and I'm pretty hooked. Here's one song that I really like from the set. I don't know the title, because as mentioned earlier, JB has yet to record a single, much less an entire album.

Jay, if I butcher your lyrics, please blame it on BA's recorder or your perhaps your poor enunciation. Just teasing. Love ya, mean it.


String Along

To the boy who should have loved me
from the boy you could have had
I promise not to send this letter
I wouldn't want you to feel bad

For not opening your heart to me,
for your unavailability
I guess you're not required to like me
but did you think it just to spite me?

Well here's a little string-along song for you
Strip off your pride, your past
pain, your fear of intimacy
and string along with me too

Thanks for leading me on
but this time I'm gonna to be strong
Although your disinterest
kinda came as a surprise

'cause you could see the sin and the sadness
and taste the gin and the madness
on my lips and in my eyes
Well, I can't help that I wanna see you again...

But it takes two to start a string-along song
and only one to make it end

Well the "flake" syndrome is an epidemic
that spans the globe from town to town
But I can't figure out why you put forth such an effort
to win me over just to turn me down

'cause your words are so soft and sweet
but your actions are screaming
And if you see me waiting around for you
I hope you also see you're dreaming

Here's a little string-along song for you
Strip off your pride, your past
your pain, your fear of intimacy
and string along with me too

Thanks for leading me on
but this time I'm gonna to be strong
Although your disinterest
kinda came as a surprise

'cause you could see the sin and the sadness
and taste the gin and the madness
on my lips and in my eyes
I can't help that I wanna see you again...

But it takes two to start a string-along song
and only one to make it end

I know you'll break my heart
I know I'll fall apart
and I know 'cause this is how it starts
and maybe it's wrong of me

To wish that we could be
but your kiss matched mine so perfectly

So here's a little string-along song for you
Strip off your pride, your past
your pain, your fear of intimacy
and string along with me too

Thanks for leading me on
but this time I'm gonna to be strong
I wish you weren't too scared
to speak your goodbyes

'cause the truth is I wish you well
thanks for saving me from hell
I will be one of the few who got left with my nine lives
Well, I can't help that I wanna see you again...

But it takes two to start a string-along song
and only one to make it end

celebrity sighting 101: how not to behave

Skinny Lady Smoker/Speedwalker in Faux Fur: that guy.. who is he? He's famous.

Frisky: {i look up from my motorola Q, totally lost and apathetic} excuse me?
{i look behind me} you mean that guy walking inside his building
{looked a lot like Rick Springfield--height, hair, and build...whatever}

SLS/SiFF: Ya. It's "Rick" something, isn't it?

Frisky: hmmm.... I totally missed him. I was 'texting' a thank you message to a friend

SLS/SiFF: {takes a long drag from her cigarette and then catches up with me}
I just can't remember which "Rick" it is.... I don't know...Rick...um... James?
Ya--Rick James!

Frisky: {in my best Dave Chapelle voice}" He's dead, BITCH!" {big "Get it?" smile}

SLS/SiFF: {unamused} Right.

{a moment of silence and more speedwalking}

{less enthused} I can't seem to place who he is. I know it's "Rick" -- he's a singer.

Frisky: Well at least you're even. I doubt he knows who you are, either.

SLS/SiFF: I know for sure that I know him

Frisky: {getting bored} 80s? 90s?....

SLS/SiFF: Definitely 80s

Frisky: Rick Moranis sang in Little Shop of Horrors {inner chuckle}

SLS/SiFF: No. He wasn't short at all. {silence}
And I know who Rick Moranis is

Frisky: Rick Astley? He's pretty tall.

SLS/SiFF: {more silence}

Frisky: Rick Segreto?

SLS/SiFF: Who is he?

Frisky: Oh--he's pretty famous, but only in the Philippines. He's sort of tall, too...oh and definitely a singer!

SLS/SiFF: {rolls her eyes and speeds away}

Frisky: {calling out} too bad I missed it! But it definitely wasn't Rick James-- he's dead, remember?



Now, for my rant:

If you live in New York, you've most likely had a celebrity sighting. I've had my share and if it happens and I'm alone, I keep it to myself. Moreso if I'm not totally sure that it's not just a look-alike. Unfortunately, some people aren't as tactful and there's nothing more annoying than a person trying to name a celebrity (or a look-alike) out loud and in public.

Who cares if you know who the celeb? If you can't remember in the first place, then I guess he/she isn't really that special to you. So do yourself a favor and move on. It's irritating--especially if you bother a total stranger just to get some validation.

Moral of the story: DON'T FUCK WITH ME WHEN I'M TEXTING!!!

Tee hee. :-)

a much needed depression

"The siamese birth of embarrassment that followed last night's episode still lingers in my mind, but I know very well that being bare and vulnerable in front of someone I deeply trust was my saving grace..."

I'm not exactly the kind of person who can easily discuss my real fears, worries and problems in all honesty...even in the company of my closest of friends. I'd rather be THAT kind of friend who always has a good anecdote for you from some recent encounter ranging from cheeky to silly to tragic for as long as it is worth a chuckle at the very least.

Which is why I blog relatively frequently--it is easier for me to vent this way.

Last night was one of the rare times when I surrendered to my emotions and really reached out. Well, it was more like in the wee hours of the morning, really, but whatever.

It was past 3 AM. Best Friend Slash Best Roomie and I both had to get ready for work in 4 hours, but we found ourselves sitting at Ritz Diner waiting for BFSBR's take out. I had been overwhelmed by the emptiness I felt leaving the Halloween festivities in Greenwich Village. That on top of all the bittersweet emotions that were stirred while having dinner with my ex earlier in the evening.

Quick segue: I say "bittersweet" because I'm happy that we've managed to revive our friendship and I was genuinely very happy to see him but I do envy that he is in a good relationship that will most likely outlast the one we had. What really made me feel worse was the fact that I could not bring myself to ask if they even really are together. He is a very private person and I refuse to take that away from him.

So in the attempt to mask the frustration caused by my neurosis and impaired ability to be unconditionally happy for the people I care deeply about, I decided I badly needed a drink. I met up with BC and EB on W4th Street to try and catch the big Greenwich Village Halloween Parade. I was thinking the energy and the alcohol, along with the wacky costumes and personalities that usually come with celebrating halloween would distract me from all this unnecessary stress-inducing over-thinking...yeah...no!

"Why do I spend so much money just to end up feeling emptier than my pockets?"

The evening ended with more frustration that what I initially had felt. At least my pocket still has lint in it, you know. I just felt drained and without purpose. And it sucked. With that in mind, I started walking briskly, just really wanting to hit the hay and shut the world out. Then I bumped into BFSBR who was on his way to get some diner food. "Wanna come with?" I though, "What the heck?"

"I think I'm done living in NYC, Rockrock." And the floodgates opened very shortly after that.

I told BFSBR everything that had been bothering me:

• my growing disinterest in new york city life -- which is scary because this is one of the busiest cities in the world
• my sleep disorder -- speaking of sleep...
• my resentment over my older sister's sudden decision to move to Georgia
• the thought of not being close enough to my nephews and be a memorable part of their childhood
• my current and seemingly irreparable financial dilemma
• my inability to decide what I really want to do with my life
• my inability to leverage my worth to my company to get a much-deserved promotion
• my inability to start over and nurture the career I want because of my financial situation
• the disappointingly meaningless friendships I've forged and abandoned just within the past year
• I'm beginning to resent being single mainly out of envy and wanting what you can't have
• my insecurities about my future
• the fact that the last time I remember being this unhappy was when I was in the closet
• my physical and mental health
• Britney's stubborn preggy weight. Just kidding.

Yep. I went all out.

When it rains, it fucking pours. I didn't just rain on my best friend. I slammed him down with a Tsunami of emotions. Not really knowing or caring at that point as to how he would react to my sudden outburst, I just kept going and going.

He listened. He hugged me. None of the bullshit stuff you hear from people who simply say something just to either just always have something to say or are overcompensating for not really listening at all. And I love him for that. I owe him for feeling so much better today.

I'm glad that I allowed myself to break down. The siamese birth of embarrassment that followed last night's episode still lingers in my mind, but I know very well that being bare and vulnerable in front of someone I deeply trust was my saving grace.

Fascinating how, at times, your own vulnerability is what nurtures your inner strength.