I was inspired to write something angry and hateful in light of what happened over the holiday weekend. But the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that I've written enough angry journal entries. I have to find a way to inspire myself to find another creative trigger.
I can forget about being angry tonight, but can I please, please indulge myself to a rant?
Remember the stuff you used to hear from your parents and all media as a child? You know--how you're really "special" even if you don't know it yet? How you're great in so many ways?
Bullshit.
Yes. You do grow up to find that you are indeed special and that you are great in so many ways. But then, so is everyone else. Even the people you've considered inferior. Some of them have even succeeded and have totally surpassed you. You choke on your pride and you hold your breath to keep yourself from eating the cloud of dust they've carelessly left as they accelerate. Then you realize you're special in your own, pathetice mediocre existence.
You know you're no rock star. You're special but you're not making money or any difference in the world.
And no matter how hard you try and how good you think you are, you will always be inadequate in a lot more ways. You find so many things in your life you can neither improve nor control and you wonder how these many "great things" you've learned you're capable of can possibly do anything to remedy the shit you find yourself stuck in or make you feel any better about being the big loser that you equally are. On top of all this you start to see
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE CALLED! Fuck this rant. I'm happy!
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