end of an era

I want to cry. I want to just lose it and kick and scream.

There's so much frustration, anger, disappointment and feelings of betrayal lingering inside and picking at my brain. I wish I could lock myself up in my room for an entire day and just be numb. Heck, I'll take one minute if I can have some peace of mind.

But I can't. I have a heart to mend. A sick grandmother. A job to keep. I have debts to pay. Money to save. A new home to find and a current one I need to leave behind. A career to find. A mentorship that could mean my future. I have commitments I've already made to friends and family. Promises made to fairweather peers. The remnants of an ego I have left to salvage.

And then there's this reality I refuse to face--we BOTH refuse to face:

It's the end of an era. The worst part is that I have no clue why. I'd apologize but I don't even have the faintest idea what I should be sorry for.

I can't fix it if you don't tell me what's wrong.

But it's too late anyway. Yet I'm left wondering.

For now, a weary smile is all I have left to offer as I move forward and remember the lesson I was meant to learn this time around: those who really get to know me will grow to hate me.

You aren't the first--you are number three.